Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
