took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
