umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
