I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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