The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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