If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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