Someone shit on the floor
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
