On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
