So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Still dying that you shit outside
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
