i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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