Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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