I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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