I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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