I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
