I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
