How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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