my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
