worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
