real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
