so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
