Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
