tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
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We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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