why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
