You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
