Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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