i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
