"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
