im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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