Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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