Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
