umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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