ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
