Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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