the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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