We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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