I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
