dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
