did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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