my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
