whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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