I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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