I must be too annoying 4 u.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
