My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
BRING THE BAGELS
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
