I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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