The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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