Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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