i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
