they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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