I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
