Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
