I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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