my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
