It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you never un-have a 4some
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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