i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
