i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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