sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
