last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
