he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
