Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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