She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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