ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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