If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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