Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
