Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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