Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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