I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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