You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
