"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
