I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
