Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
