I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
