Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
