I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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