I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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