i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
