someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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