i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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